10% More Authentic - Authenticity as a Practice

Last night, we hosted a conversation on authenticity.

And if I’m being honest, I felt off. Some days I nail it and last evening was not one of those days.

The words didn’t land the way they normally do. The insights were there, but they didn’t quite organize themselves into neat sentences. My brain felt foggy. Slower than usual. Less articulate.

Which, ironically, is exactly where this reflection begins.

Because authenticity isn’t about being on all the time. It’s about being honest about where you actually are.

During the conversation, a few questions kept surfacing:

• What gets in the way of authenticity?

• Is authenticity an all-or-nothing thing?

• Can you be 80% authentic? 60%?

  
  

The short answer: yes. And also, perhaps that's the wrong question.

Authenticity isn’t a switch. It’s a practice.

We often talk about authenticity as if it’s a binary: You either are authentic… or you’re not.

But real life doesn’t work that way. Authenticity is more like a dial than a switch. It moves. It fluctuates. It responds to context, safety, history and nervous system state.

You might be deeply authentic with your partner, somewhat authentic with a close friend, and barely scratching the surface at work or in a group setting.

That doesn’t make you fake. It makes you human.

The real barriers to authenticity aren’t what we think

When people ask, “What blocks authenticity?” they often expect answers like:

• Fear of judgment

• Fear of rejection

• People-pleasing

• Past trauma

And yes, those matter.

But underneath all of them is something quieter and more foundational:

Lack of safety. Not just external safety but internal safety.

If your body doesn’t feel resourced, grounded, or regulated, authenticity feels risky. Even dangerous. Your system will prioritize belonging, protection, and approval over truth every time.

That’s not a flaw. That’s biology. We as humans are wired for connection and facing a 'threat' to that connection will have alarm bells going off inside you before you can even translate it into words.

And that, that is your nervous system trying to keep you safe.

You don’t need to be fully authentic to be real

Here’s the reframe that felt alive for me after the conversation:

You don’t need to be 100% authentic. You just need to be 10% more authentic than you were yesterday.

Authenticity grows in tolerable increments.

That might look like:

• Saying “I’m not sure” instead of pretending you know

• Admitting you’re tired instead of powering through

• Sharing one honest feeling instead of your whole story

• Letting someone see your uncertainty, not just your competence

This is how safety is built, not through exposure, but through capacity.

Some days, authenticity looks quiet

Last night, my authenticity didn’t look eloquent. It didn’t look polished. It didn’t sound like my usual voice.

It looked like showing up anyway. Holding space anyway. Letting the conversation be imperfect.

And maybe that was the lesson I couldn’t articulate in the moment:

Authenticity doesn’t require clarity first. Clarity often comes after presence.

So if you’re wondering whether you’re “authentic enough,” here’s a gentler question:

"Where could I offer myself 10% more honesty - without forcing, fixing, or exposing?"

That’s enough. That’s real. And that’s where authenticity actually begins.

Authenticity is a practice and can be a conscious choice, to try to show up everyday a little braver than you were the day before.

Your Coach,

Angela

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