Give Yourself a Break — Disassociate (What is dissociation anyway?)

…But don’t forget to come home to yourself.

Ever scrolled through your phone for 45 minutes and suddenly realize you remember none of it? Or driven somewhere, only to “wake up” in the parking lot with no memory of how you got there? Maybe you’re physically in a conversation but feel like your mind is floating somewhere ten feet above your head.

This is dissociation. And while it sounds clinical, it’s surprisingly common, especially in a world that asks so much of us and gives us so few tools for emotional regulation and nervous system safety.

Let’s talk about what dissociation really is, how to tell if it’s showing up in your life and most importantly, how to gently return to presence without shame.

What is dissociation, really?

Dissociation is your brain’s way of giving you a break. It’s a mental or emotional disconnect from your body, your thoughts, your surroundings or even your sense of identity. It’s like your mind hits the pause button when something feels too intense, overstimulating or even just dull.

It can look like:

• Zoning out or “numbing out”

• Feeling foggy or detached from your body

• Going through the motions on autopilot

• Emotionally flatlining or spacing out when emotions rise

  
  

Dissociation exists on a spectrum. Some people do it occasionally. Others live with chronic, survival-based disconnection, especially if they have a history of emotional trauma or nervous system dysregulation.

Why We Dissociate: It’s Not Weakness. It’s Wisdom.

Dissociation is the nervous system’s way of protecting you when it perceives threat or overwhelm. If you grew up in chaos, felt unsafe expressing emotion or experienced trauma, your body learned:

“Leaving is safer than staying.” Even if that "leaving" is just a mental checkout.

So it’s not your fault. It’s an ancient, intelligent survival strategy. But just because it helped then, doesn’t mean it’s helping now.

Signs You Might Be Dissociating (More Than You Realize)

Ask yourself:

• Do I often feel “not fully here” or floaty?

• Do I struggle to recall conversations or events, even recent ones?

• Do I check out during stress, arguments or intimacy?

• Do I find myself scrolling, binge-watching or busying myself without really enjoying any of it?

• Do I feel emotionally numb or robotic during the day?

  
  

None of these make you broken, they’re adaptive. But over time, chronic disconnection can rob you of joy, connection and embodiment.

Here’s a common example:

You're in an argument with someone you care about. Emotions are high, words are flying and suddenly, it’s like you're not really there. You hear them, but it’s fuzzy. You’re not sure what you said. What they said. Later, you try to piece it together but it’s like the memory is behind glass. You feel confused and maybe even wonder if you’re being gaslit.

But the truth is, you dissociated. Your nervous system said, “This is too much,” and pulled you out of the moment to protect you. You weren’t fully present because your body went into survival mode.

It doesn’t mean you’re crazy or weak, it means your system is doing its job. And now, the work is learning how to come back to your body when it's safe again, so you can rebuild clarity and trust with yourself.

Or maybe it looks like this: You're sitting with your partner or a friend and they’re telling you a story. You nod along, maybe smile politely but inside you’re somewhere else, running through your to-do list, zoning out, not really hearing them. Later, you can’t remember half of what they said and you feel guilty or disconnected.

Or during sex, your body is there but your mind has checked out. You feel distant or even annoyed at yourself, wondering, “Why can’t I just be present?”

This too, is dissociation. Your nervous system might not be registering threat but it could be overwhelmed or overstimulated. Presence takes energy and when your tank is low, checking out becomes a shortcut to self-preservation.

The Cost of Always Being Somewhere Else

The impact of habitual dissociation is subtle but heavy. Over time, living outside of the present moment leads to:

• Disconnection from your needs and boundaries

• Shallow or strained relationships

• Creative blocks or lack of purpose

• Emotional flatness or apathy

• Trouble making decisions (because you're not fully with yourself)

  
  

The truth is: presence is where intimacy, clarity and vitality live.

🛠 In the Moment: What to Do When You Realize You’ve Checked Out

If you catch yourself dissociating during an argument — maybe you feel foggy, overwhelmed or confused — give yourself permission to pause.

You can say something like:

“I want to stay connected, but I need five minutes to come back to myself. Let’s take a break and revisit this when I can be more present.”

Then, do something grounding:

• Step outside and feel your feet on the earth

• Run cold water over your hands

• Take 10 slow belly breaths

• Put one hand on your chest and one on your belly and just say, “I'm here. It's okay to come back.”

This isn't avoidance , it’s repair.v You're learning to respond, not react. You’re honoring your nervous system and your relationships at the same time.

How to Come Back to Yourself: 5 Gentle Ways

1. Ground through the body. Wiggle your toes. Run your hands under cold water. Name 5 things you see, 4 you feel, 3 you hear… (the 5-4-3-2-1 method). Your body is your anchor. Come back to it.

2. Breathe low and slow. Inhale for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 6. Long exhales signal safety to your nervous system.

3. Name your emotion. “I feel… sad / overwhelmed / numb.” Even if you can’t fix it, naming creates space.

4. Set tiny check-in rituals. One minute per hour to pause, feel your feet and ask: “Am I here?”

5. Be kind, not corrective. Don’t shame yourself for checking out. Just gently invite yourself back in.

Mantras for When You’re Dissociating

Repeat silently or out loud, especially when you feel yourself floating away:

🌿 Grounding Mantra (for safety & presence):

“I am safe in this moment. I can stay with myself.”

💗 Compassion Mantra (for self-kindness during overwhelm):

“I don’t have to get it right. I just have to come back.”

🔥 Empowerment Mantra (for clarity during conflict):

“I choose to pause, not abandon myself.”

Say it with a hand on your heart or your belly, whichever feels most anchoring.

A Loving Reminder

Sometimes the most present thing you can do is allow the part of you that dissociates to feel seen.

You don’t need to be “on” all the time. You don’t need to be perfectly embodied or emotionally available every second. You just need to notice when you’ve left and know you’re allowed to come back.

And you can. Over and over again.

Because you’re not too far gone. You're right here. And here is a good, safe place to be.